The Cycle of Battered Person Syndrome: A Hidden Trap

Battered Person Syndrome (BPS) or Battered Woman Syndrome

– Battered Person Syndrome [BPS], sometimes known as “ battered woman syndrome,” is a form of emotional trauma which has been intensely studied since 1970, when the first book on the subject appeared.

As I have read through the various lists of symptoms, cyclical dynamics, and aftereffects of BPS, I have noticed missing from these lists something I believe to be a common cause, not of BPS, but of its cyclical nature – at least within the purview of my own experience.

Before proceeding to discuss this observation and its possible impact, I will give a brief synopsis of the symptoms, cyclical states, and stages of recovery in BPS, at least in so far as the various sources seem to agree on the matter.

Causes and Symptoms  of BPS:

BPS is the result of serious, long-term, physical and emotional violence – so serious, in fact, that it can sometimes result in permanent physical injury or even death. In the United States, 94% of the deaths resulting from domestic violence are women; the remaining 6% consists of men and children.

Typical symptoms of BPS, in alphabetical order, include:

– Avoiding situations reminiscent of the abuse
– Avoiding talking about abuse
– Believing that the partner knows everything
– Believing the abuse is deserved, or that the abuse is the victim’s fault
– Cyclically recurring abuse (see below)
– Difficulty sleeping, including nightmares and insomnia
– Erratic mood-swings with significant depression
– Fear for one’s life or the lives of one’s children
– Feelings of anger, sadness, hopelessness, and worthlessness
– Having limited access to money, credit cards, or a car
– Hiding things, especially bruises or injuries; “hiding” includes lying about them
– High levels of anxiety, edginess; “jumping at one’s shadow”
– Idealizing the partner
– Learned helplessness
– Panic attacks or flashbacks
– Partner has a temper, is easily jealous, very possessive, or controlling
– Receiving otherwise unwarranted, extremely frequent calls from the partner
– Showing extreme changes in personality
– Withdrawing and making excuses for not seeing friends or family

Many of these symptoms are very similar to the symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder [PTSD], and most professionals regard BPS as a subcategory of PTSD.

Cyclical Dynamics of Disease Progression:

As with most diseases or syndromes, BPS progresses in stages, as follows:

1. The abuser will win over the victim, often moving quickly with tactics like grand romantic gestures or so-called “love bombing,” and pressuring for rapid commitment. In the literature, this stage is frequently known as the “honeymoon period”.
2. Next comes a period during which tension slowly builds and causes low-level conflict. The abuser may feel neglected or jealous or angry and may think that these feelings justify aggression toward the victim.
3. The abuser will be emotionally or physically abusive. This often starts small, like a slap instead of a punch, or punching the wall next to the victim.The abuser will feel guilty – swearing that it will never happen again, and once more being overtly romantic, in order to win back the victim.
4. There will be a temporary return to the “honeymoon” period, where the abuser is on best-behavior, during which period the partner will be lured into thinking that things really will be different.
5.  Tension gradually builds, and the cycle starts all over again.
6. On average, a survivor will leave an abuser 8 times before leaving once-and-for-all [6], a fact which highlights the cyclical nature of BPS.

Note that not all victims are survivors. The cyclical dimensions of BPS seem extremely familiar, not unlike a form of substance abuse or behavioral addiction (e.g., gambling); however, nowhere in the literature have I seen any suggestion that the cyclical dynamics of BPS should qualify as a form of addiction.

Also Read: Substance Abuse – Management And Prevention

However, neither have I seen such a diagnosis eliminated.

Stages of Recovery:

If and when the cycle of abuse is brought to an end, the recovery tends to look something like this:

1. Denial: The victim is unable to accept that abuse is occurring, or justifies it as “just being that once.”
2. Guilt: The victim believes that the victim has caused the abuse and that any recurrence is the victim’s fault.
3. Enlightenment: The victim realizes that the abuse is not deserved, and acknowledges that the partner has an abusive personality.
4. Responsibility: The victim accepts that only the abuser holds responsibility for the abuse. In many cases, this is when the victim will try to escape the relationship.

Cyclical Traps:

The question which has plagued me – assuming that BPS is not a form of addictive behavior – is this: what contributes to the cyclical dynamic of BPS?

Below is a list (again alphabetical) of some of the factors contributing to this cyclical behavior. I have dubbed these factors “Traps.”

• background or history of abuse, as an adult or a child
• being afraid to leave (for various reasons)
• believing that, as a couple, they can get back to where they began
• believing that the partner loves the victim, and that the victim can change the behavior
• conditioning to “look for the good in the partner”
• denial that the partner is actually abusive
• financial dependence on the partner, which is often manufactured by the partner
• rescue syndrome
• severe depression-related lethargy or low self-esteem fostered by the abuse
• truly believing that the partner wants to help, correct, or discipline the victim
• wanting to have a complete family unit for the children’s sake

As I look at these “traps,” or explanations for the cyclical nature of BPS, it occurs to me that there is one that I have encountered in my personal experience, but which I have not found anywhere in the literature – although it may be covered by the term “rescue syndrome,” depending on how that term is defined.

The particular trap I have is mind is “confusing pity with love.” It will be necessary for me to describe what I mean by “pity,” and how it functions as a trap. I will not, however, attempt to give any similar description of love, as I believe that task lies beyond my powers.

The nature of pity:

Pity and compassion are often conflated, but these terms are anything but synonymous. For present purposes, I define “pity” as “coerced compassion.”

Genuine compassion is a truly altruistic emotional state, in which one undertakes to help another for no reason other than the agent’s (acting person’s) subjective emotional constitution. Some people are more compassionate or empathetic than others.

Arguably, compassionate actions may be undertaken in anticipation of some reward, perhaps a heavenly reward. However, under no circumstances can compassion be coerced. A person who is coerced into acting compassionately is not acting out of compassion, but out of pity.

Coerced compassion most likely involves some kind of deception – as, for example, the panhandler who is not needy at all, and drives a better car than you do. In cases of BPS, coercive compassion, or pity, may be manipulated by appeal to the well-being of children, who, in reality, cannot possibly benefit by continued exposure to an abusive environment.

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However, perhaps the most heinous form of coerced compassion that I’ve witnessed is the feigned suicide attempt. Such suicide ‘attempts’ seldom result in any real harm to the perpetrator; rather, they are intended to demonstrate to the victim that the partner cannot possibly survive alone. If the victim is already inclined to feel guilty about the abuse, the “suicide ploy” is almost guaranteed to work. It is my opinion that “mistaking pity for love” – or perhaps something like “the suicide ploy” – should be included among the traps which bind the victim to the cycle.

When dealing with the compassion/pity conflation, victims will often maintain that it would be inhumane to ignore someone in such a plight, or that they are morally obligated to respond, and they will often champ at the bit to rescue the partner.

Indeed, if the suicide attempt is not a ruse, the victim may very well be plagued with long-term, disabling guilt – the consummate act of abuse. I believe that this dilemma deserves more serious attention than I have found in the relevant literature.

Conclusion:

I have seen the pity-trap used more than once to suck a victim back into the cycle of abuse; however, I have no means of effectively countering it. I have warned these victims that they are being manipulated, I have pointed out that the partner is still making violent threats (now against him/her self instead of the victim), and I have even asked why the victim should care one way or the other – all to no avail. It seems to me that pity is a stronger form of coercion than the literature has hitherto allowed.

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Citations:
– www.healthline.com/health/battered-woman-syndrome/…
– www.domesticviolenceinfo.ca/…
– domesticviolencehomicidehelp.com/…
– www.domesticabuseshelter.org/…
– vpc.org/…
– The Battered Woman Syndrome, 4th Edition; Lenore E. A. Walker, Springer Publishing; 1970-2016.